Summer Superlatives '09: Top 5 Action movies

And at last, time for the final category of the summer and perhaps the season's most beloved genre: best action films. 2009 was a rarity in this decade because it wasn’t dominated by superhero movies. Only one came out and it barely made the list, whereas last year there were three and I probably would have ranked them all in my top five.

 Instead, 2009 features some action dramas and some science fiction, a really nice change of pace. I also saw all five of these films and like the comedies, if I don’t link to the review, that means I’m waiting for the DVD release to post it.

 

 

 5. “X-Men Origins: Wolverine”

 Much like the third X-Men movie, “Wolverine” packed in one too many superheroes and was more focused on special effects and stunts than the character it was supposed to be about. Nevertheless, for the first movie of the summer I was entertained by it. Hugh Jackman and Liev Schreiber worked great together and it was extremely satisfying to see Gambit make his way onto the screen – his scenes were some of the best. As to why he’s not getting his own movie and Ryan Reynolds’ Deadpool is, I have no clue.

 

 

 4. “Public Enemies”

 Putting this in the action category when this was really a cat-and-mouse thriller mixed with drama feels a little strange, but the action scenes were among the best parts of this ‘30s gangster dress-up film. I had the neat experience of going to see the actual Wisconsin lodge that the film’s huge night action sequence took place at this summer – where it actually happened and it where it was filmed – and it brought home the historical angle of this film. It could have been better, but what a really cool change of pace for summer action movies. In a normal year, “Public Enemies” would never take the Wednesday before the Fourth of July, but this summer it could.

 

 

3.  “The Hurt Locker”

The only reason I don’t have “The Hurt Locker” higher is because this is foremost a top five action movie list and this film is too sophisticated and intelligent to be action ahead of drama, not vice-versa. Despite being No.3 on this list, it would easily make my top five movies of the summer. Rarely do we get an introspective action and suspense film that illuminates modern historical context. There hasn’t been a great movie about the Iraq War and if I were going to be a history teacher in twenty years, I would certainly use this film to teach the class. It gives you a sense of embedded journalism and part of the reason soldiers signed up. Read all my comments here.

 

 

 2. “District 9”

When I first saw the trailer for “District 9” I was impressed by the visuals but skeptical because I’d heard nothing about it prior to the summer. “Peter Jackson presents” didn’t exactly hook me by the balls like it did some people, but in retrospect maybe I should’ve let it. (Although I guess by that principle I have to see “The Lovely Bones” this winter). What a refreshingly original sci-fi story with plenty of action and all with a tight budget. If this is possible with only $30 million, think of all the great original action movies we could have in the future. The fact that “District 9” makes it up near the top of the list is a fantastic middle finger at movies like “G.I. Joe” and “Transformers: Revenge of the Fallen” and I love that. Read all my comments here.

 

 

 1. “Star Trek”

What hasn’t J.J Abrams touched and not turned to gold? “Cloverfield” got mixed response (although I was a big fan) and LOST is one of TVs best, so imagine my excitement to find out he was taking the reigns of the “Star Trek” reboot. This re-creation was everything “Star Trek” needed to succeed in the 21^st Century (ironically). Young but talented actors and a great origin story with top-notch special effects and “Star Trek” became 2009’s first completely legitimate hit. It might not have been as original and creative, but it was the only film to exist already in pop culture that was truly great and it deserves that kind of kudos.

 

 

 

Summer Superlatives '09: Top 5 Comedies

I’m all about comedies at the movies, but I’m pretty tough when it comes to reviewing humor. I’m usually either pretty generous in reviewing a comedy that manages to make me hysterical a good number of times and stingy if I’m not won over by the characters.

 All in all, 2009 was a pretty solid comedy summer, but there was a clear favorite and if you’ve been following my blog, you already know what it is. I do understand that means a lot of you don’t, but you don’t have to think hard to realize which of the summer’s comedies was head and shoulders above the rest.

 

 

 5. “Funny People” 

I held out a lot of hope for “Funny People” as being one of those laugh-out-loud comedies with a really strong sentimental side. It ended up being a really long mish-mash of stories and comedy techniques. There were some definitely funny parts and I think it was one of the more appropriate starring roles for Adam Sandler considering he played himself, but Judd Apatow’s previous directorial efforts were easily better. I still enjoyed it overall. Read all my comments here.

 

 

 4. “Inglourious Basterds”

I felt a little strange and guilty laughing at some of these jokes, but that doesn’t mean I didn’t laugh. Quentin Tarantino’s latest had some lines that were just so good you couldn’t not laugh at them. Brad Pitt as Lt. Aldo Raine was one of the summer’s funnier characters, even if it required considerably little talent of Pitt, whose comedy roles tend to be idiots, interestingly enough. Though some parts weren’t funny – Eli Roth as “The Bear Jew” – “Basterds” easily belongs on the top five list. Read all my comments here.

 

 

3. “Bruno”

Although it wasn’t satirically on par with “Borat” by any means, “Bruno” was so outrageous that you had to laugh just to make it through the film. Sacha Baren Cohen lays it on thick in this film, praying on our completely and utter homophobia in this country and taking several shots at celebrity culture (and numerous celebrities). If you haven’t seen it and you’re not too easily offended or disgusted by nudity, I can think of a better rental for this winter. When it does hit shelves, I will be sure to post my whole review.

 

 

 2. “(500) Days of Summer”

I wouldn’t normally put a romantic comedy toward the top of this list, but I rated “Summer” higher that the last three films and it was a comedy among all things. Well, it was definitely deserving too. “Summer” is a romantic comedy that challenged a lot of the annoying clichés we deal with regularly from the genre by confronting them. Its disjointed chronology narrative structure allowed for humor to slip into places where other films simply couldn’t fit it and then it just  charmed our pants off. Read all my comments here.

 

 

1.  “The Hangover”

I haven't laughed that hard that often at a movie in at least a year or two. “The Hangover” was just perfect execution on an idea that felt (and really was) so familiar despite never having been done before. We’d seen Las Vegas comedies, buddy comedies, bachelor party comedies, but never with the brilliant premise of “The Hangover.” The reveal of one’s embarrassing drunken misadventures is funny when your hung over friend tells you about it the next day – a movie about that is even better. Best of all, “The Hangover” gave us new faces to look at in Bradley Cooper, Zach Galifianakis, Ed Helms and Justin Bartha. What an excellently calculated cast. It’s like we were served pretty good leftovers at a five star restaurant and didn’t even notice. This could easily be my first Holiday DVD pick-up and I'll surely post my review then.

 

 

 

Summer Superlatives '09: Best family films

2009 was a pretty good summer in the way of family/kids entertainment. With kids out of school and day camps not for everyone in this economy, even the films not on this top five list cough“G-Force”cough raked in serious money. In fact, only one film on this list didn’t cream the box office (for understandable reasons).

I saw a majority of these films and based on the performance of the other two at the box office and their reviews, I fit them in appropriately. Interestingly, I had just enough to put together a top five. No other honorable mentions.

 

 

 5. “Night at the Museum 2: Battle of the Smithsonian”

 I was a big fan of the original, but I couldn’t force myself in a busy month of May to entertain the sequel and the reviews didn’t give me enough cause either. I’m sure it was fun and Amy Adams was indeed the highlight, but a lot better family-friendly fare passed through theaters this summer. Part of me also has to wag the finger at Hollywood overworking the formula and giving us more than we can handle with characters and stars and Jonah Hill.

 

 

4.  “Ponyo”

There wasn’t a more age-appropriate animated film to come out this year than Japanese filmmaker Hayao Miyazaki’s “Ponyo.” Although this film was more child-oriented that his last couple efforts, “Ponyo” still charmed every cell of my body that still dawdles in childhood fantasy. Imaginative, creative and an easy watch, “Ponyo” didn’t need furry creatures or artillery weapons to entertain me or anyone’s kids for 90 minutes.

 

 

 3. “Ice Age: Dawn of the Dinosaurs”

 

I passed on the second movie and I passed on this one. I enjoyed “Ice Age” but I don’t support overkill, no matter how damn cute or into mischief that crazy squirrel gets in those trailers. The rest of the world, however, spoke up with words of great approval. With a $192 million intake to this point, “Ice Age” tres lands at No. 5 on the total gross list for this summer. You can’t argue with that, nor can you with the additional 600-some million dollars overseas, making it No. 1 on that list. Looks like we’ll be getting more squirrel antics.

 

 

 2. “Harry Potter and the Half-Blood Prince”

Normally I’d be the first to deem a Harry Potter movie not a family film, but with its PG rating, “Half-Blood Prince” undeniably falls into this category (and there wasn’t enough action to put it in my action movie top five). This sixth HP installment was in my opinion the best made Potter movie yet in terms of visual storytelling. It lacked the action and emotional impact I wanted, but it was so cohesive and full of so much quality that it easily belongs as the second-best family film on this list and was one of the top five films of the summer.

 

 

1.  “Up”

Pixar does it again. Nothing in my mind will touch the classic that is “WALL*E,” but “Up” was yet another special story that challenged the norms of animated filmmaking. It was funny, touching and had something for all ages from talking dogs to an old man discovering something about himself despite being stubborn in his old age. And the montage in the beginning? Breaks my heart. Pixar made the one huge hit this summer that deserved every dollar it earned.

 

 

 

Summer Superlatives '09: Best Performances by a Male Actor

Summer is the time for the action blockbusters and the year’s best comedies, which despite our society’s many gender reforms, means more roles for men, so putting together the top five acting performances by a male actor was a tougher endeavor than for the ladies.

 To sort things out, I chose quality dramatic acting over comedy in a majority of these cases, shying away from the heroes in the summer’s blockbusters. No Hugh Jackman or Shia LaBeouf in these here rankings. These performances all really caught my attention this summer (I did see all these movies, fyi, and their reviews, if not posted already, will be posted coinciding with the DVD releases).

 

 

 5. Johnny Depp - “Public Enemies”

 

We’ve seen Johnny Depp do better, but that’s like watching an uneventful Chicago Bulls game in the ‘90s and saying Michael Jordan could’ve done better. He’s still Michael Bleepin’ Jordan and this is still Johnny Friggin’ Depp. Depp works in all his charms as notorious ‘30s gangster John Dillinger while still being a cutthroat bank-robbing criminal. It wouldn’t be off to say he was sort of a clean-shaven and mostly sober Jack Sparrow with also more brains. This is Johnny being Johnny, flexing his many skills as an actor who masters quirks.

 

4. Zach Galifianakis - “The Hangover”

I gave Zach his due the other day ago, but he still fits right up here in the top five for his best comedic performance by an actor all summer. His character Alan was so convincingly dumb, perverse, naïve and sweet all at the same time. He simply got fits out of audiences who often went more than once to get a repeat dose of the laughs that just coat “The Hangover.” There might not be a movie from this summer I’m more looking forward to on DVD than “The Hangover” and I pray there’s commentary featuring Galifianakis.

 

 

3. Sam Rockwell - “Moon”

 

In “Tropic Thunder,” Robert Downey Jr. warns never to go full retard. The next closest thing on that list of what never to do is a role where you have to act out a scene with yourself. We’re not talking Edward Norton “Fight Club” here, we’re talking Sam Rockwell talking for minutes on end with another Sam Rockwell. The guy has balls and he does it pretty darn well despite the fact that “Moon” as a film didn’t exactly have me convinced. Rockwell plays a lone space worker operating machines that harvest moon rocks alongside only a Kevin Spacey-voiced computer named GERTY. He misses his woman and wants to go home and he has to fight off the solitude and dangers of space. Rockwell gets credit, even if he’s not enough to make this movie into something good.

 

 

2. Jeremy Renner - “The Hurt Locker”

 

Unknown actor Jeremy Renner lucked into playing a character as complex as Sgt. Will James, a man who truly craves the intensity of war and thrives off his adrenaline. He gets to be reckless but also fight some inner demons and a longing for home he’s pretty sure he has. That’s not meant to take anything away from Renner. He brings all that home for us, challenges those perceptions we have about war, and hopefully he’ll get recognized for the achievement by landing bigger parts down the road.

 

 

1. Christoph Waltz - “Inglourious Basterds”

I still can’t believe how intimidated I am by Waltz’s Col. Hans “the Jew Hunter” Landa. Forget me being Jewish and despising Nazi characters -- Waltz’s performance was completely bewitching. His charm, language finesse and conniving methods just steal the breath out of you in every scene. It’s a great character, but not everyone could carry the aura of it like Waltz, not everyone could work it so deeply in every scene that your attention is completely on his next move. Talk about the role of a lifetime for Waltz. Too bad it had to be while playing a Nazi, but someone’s gotta do it.

 

 

Honorable Mentions: Chris Pine (“Star Trek”), Brad Pitt (“Inglourious Basterds”), Sacha Baren Cohen (“Bruno”), Jim Broadbent (“Harry Potter and the Half-Blood Prince”), Hugh Jackman (“Wolverine”), Adam Sandler (“Funny People”).

Summer Superlatives '09: Best Performances by a Female Actor

The summer’s best female roles tended to come from the best actresses. Sad as it is, most summer films don’t create great roles for women, so the women that really shine in this season tend to be the best in the business. Though the majority of my top five are younger actresses, the top two belong to proven veterans, though that’s not to say the others won’t win their fair share of acclaim in the future.

The rankings of the best performances by an actor award (the men will come later) have been chosen on overall quality of performances, regardless of genre, and how critically praised they were/their vitality to the film. The latter was especially the case here as I didn’t see most of these films. Just being honest, but you could very well agree with me.

 

 

5. Amy Adams - “Night at the Museum 2: Battle of the Smithsonian”

Most critics were pretty rough on this big-budget family formula flick sequel, but they were sure to reserve their praises for Amy Adams as Amelia Earhart. Though it’s expected that Hilary Swank will outdo Adams when she stars as Earhart in “Amelia” this fall, there’s no doubt that Amy’s the better child’s fantasy version. Considering how believably fantastical Adams was in “Enchanted,” Earhart must have come as a breeze to her. When I finally get around to this film on DVD, I have nothing but those expectations for Adams. She’s awesome.

 

 4. Diane Kruger - “Inglourious Basterds”

To be honest, I didn’t think much of Kruger in either “National Treasure” movies, so I didn’t have high expectations for her in “Basterds.” I should have. Tarantino doesn’t just cast any blonde girl – just ask Uma Thurman or Darryl Hannah. As a result, Kruger left a lasting impression that definitely snuck up on me as I was sorting through actresses to rank. As German movie star-turned spy Bridget von Hammersmark, Kruger had an energy and a gravity to her that we didn’t get to see when she was playing Americans (she was born in Germany). She was charming but also dramatic in the few pivotal scenes where her character is under duress. She really had the deceptive thing nailed down and she deserves kudos. Hopefully if she lands more American roles, she can live up to this performance.

 

 

3. Zooey Deschanel - “(500) Days of Summer”

 

Deschanel is a fine actress and her big blue eyes were perfect for playing the heart-breaking Summer in this … summer’s indie hit. Free-spirited, funny, natural, sincere, blunt – all these things can describe both Deschanel’s style and performance as a girl who doesn’t have a concept of love despite her attraction to Joseph Gordon-Levitt’s character. She’s always been the recipient of praise for her work, which has usually been comedy second to a leading man, but this role really places her as the kind of actress she is and draws on all her talents.

 

 

2. Rachel Weisz - “The Brothers Bloom”

Another indie film I didn’t get to see that I’m really bummed about, “The Brothers Bloom” got a good amount of positive feedback, and though there was disagreement between some critics, there was unanimous applause for Weisz. Through much of her career, Weisz has sort of dabbled, never really fitting into one genre mold. I’ve seen her as more the dramatic type, but she’s been in romantic comedies before and she got to be a fancy-free heiress in “Bloom.” I won’t offer much more opinion being in my not-having-proof situation, but having seen most of her other work, there’s little doubt this seasoned actress of many colors made “Bloom” more than just another con comedy.

 

 

1. Meryl Streep - “Julie & Julia”

 

Is there anything that Streep isn’t amazing at? The record holder for Oscar nominations is the most unanimously praised person working in Hollywood and she does it all, from drama to comedy, which playing Julia Child definitely falls into. Only Streep could make a summer movie out of this sort of Holiday time/February premise. You never see movies like this come out in August, but that’s how money Streep is. She’s the fine wine of acting, only getting better – and more in demand – with age. In surveying people who’ve seen “Julie & Julia,” it was pretty clear that Streep’s scenes were the ones that kept the movie interesting.

 

Honorable Mentions: Marion Cotillard (“Public Enemies”), Leslie Mann (“Funny People”), Melanie Laurent (“Inglourious Basterds”),  Sandra Bullock (“The Proposal”).

Summer Superlatives '09: 5 Breakout Stars

A lot of future stars are born in the summer. Although the Oscar-caliber actors usually emerge from the winter season, the summer months most often judge an actor’s true commercial success. Getting a big role in a possible blockbuster, such as Megan Fox in 2007’s “Transformers,” can make you the next biggest hit on search engines across the web.

In picking my top five breakout actors this summer, I looked at how big their roles were in this summer’s movies (some of them had more than one), their short-term list of upcoming projects and their general longevity and potential to be a recognizable or marquee name in the future.

 

 

 5. Zoe Saldana

Breakout role: Uhura in “Star Trek”

In a cast brimming with talented young actors including Chris Pine and Zachary Quinto, Saldana stood out as the thin, sexy and strong-willed Uhura, turning a Star Trek character who had little do with anything in the show other than enhancing the racial palette into a critical component of J.J. Abrams’ reboot. After scoring a huge role in this winter’s “Avatar” alongside another breakout star further down our list, Saldana looks to be following quickly in the footsteps of similar African-American stars such as Rosario Dawson, Thandie Newton and Halle Berry. She also has parts in Chris Rock’s American version of “Death at a Funeral” and another graphic novel adaptation “The Losers” due out next year.

Next big role: Neytiri in “Avatar” (December)

 

 

4. Ken Jeong

Breakout role: Mr. Chow in “The Hangover”

Jeong sprung naked out of a car trunk and into the collective conscious of comedy moviegoers everywhere. Jeong worked his way up the Apatow ladder with small roles in “Knocked Up” and “Step Brothers” eventually leading to bigger parts in last year’s “Pineapple Express” and “Role Models” to “The Hangover” and “The Goods” and consequently the hottest Asian-American comedian out there today. Born in North Carolina of Korean descent, Jeong got his medical degree at UNC, but his roots in improv got him discovered and it’s been crazy since. He still has a few movies due out this year and the future projects keep piling on.

Next big role: A marriage counselor in “Couples Retreat” (October)

 

 

3. Zach Galifianakis

Breakout role: Alan in “The Hangover”

Galifianakis was no stranger to fans of Comedy Central, but the world got a fresh and hysterical brand of humor when Zach flexed his acting muscles (or roles of fat) in “The Hangover.” More than anything else was how convincingly dumb and amusingly naïve and soft-hearted his character Alan was.  It was Zach’s performance that propelled “The Hangover” beyond a funny and outlandish summer comedy into one of the best executions of a basic comedy premise to come out of Hollywood in awhile. Comic relief in a comedy can be very unfunny, but most of us had a humor revelation with how much we laughed at Galifianakis. Not only does he have a “Hangover” sequel to look forward to, but a role alongside two of the decade’s best -- Steve Carrell and Paul Rudd -- in next year’s “Dinner for Shmucks.”

Next big role: Jerry in “Youth in Revolt” (October)

 

 2. Sam Worthington

Breakout role: Marcus in "Terminator Salvation"

Australia’s next great export, Sam Worthington, was a breakout star before his breakout film hit theaters. Having been cast as the star in both “Avatar” and the remake of “Clash of the Titans,” I haven’t even seen a movie he’s in and he’s already following in the footsteps of Russell Crowe. Could he be more than an action star? That remains to be seen, but he should start seeing magazine covers like GQ within the next few months. What’s more amazing is that he came out of nowhere. He had a couple parts as just another soldier in an American war movie and starred in the crocodile horror thriller “Rogue,” so Hollywood must just be convinced that he’s going to be the latest thing and we have no choice but to believe them. How else does James Cameron of all directors cast Worthington in a movie as risky of a venture as “Avatar”? The answer to this riddle might be in looks alone, but we'll have to see.

Next big role: Jake Sully in “Avatar” (December)

 

 1. Bradley Cooper

Breakout role: Phil in “The Hangover”

Much like Worthington, Cooper convinced Hollywood he was ready for some big roles before he was a household name (“Yes Man” and “He’s Just Not That Into You”), but he proved them right with “The Hangover.” He’s a heck of a leading actor who can play the douche role or the nice guy and he was amusing as a bit of both playing Phil, the hot shot of the bachelors. His fame recently landed him a big role in the planned “A-Team” movie and he’s currently working on the star-studded “Valentine’s Day,” another romantic comedy vignette movie ala “Love, Actually” surrounding that pesky Feb. 14 date. Cooper tops our list because he’s made it big in genres that appeal to both sexes and that’s the kind of actor that makes a big name for himself in Hollywood.

 Next big role: Steve in “All About Steve” (Sept. 4)

 

Honorable Mentions: Christoph Waltz (“Inglourious Basterds”) Chris Pine (“Star Trek”), Jeremy Renner (“The Hurt Locker”), Aubrey Plaza (“Funny People”).

Summer Superlatives '09: 5 Movies that Pissed Me Off

Unfortunately, there are always films that make a killing at the box office and don’t deserve it, sucking us in with high expectations and visual effects, preying on how easily we are persuaded by advertising and ultimately insulting our intelligence. Truth is, a lot of those films come out in the summer, and 2009 had no shortage of them.

These films piss me off. Whether they’re flat out bad or their marketing is obnoxious or they made more money than they deserved to make. I picked five of the summer hits that bothered me most, only one of which I saw, and now I will rant about them. Feel free to rant back.

5. “The Ugly Truth”

I have nothing against Katherine Heigl and Gerard Butler, just the crap that they sometimes choose to make. The reviews for this film mentioned everything that was wrong with romantic comedies today and I’m sure they’re right, seeing as I haven’t enjoyed many of today’s offerings in the genre. Any comedy that’s premise is that women think with their minds and men think with their dicks is bound to latch on to comedy stereotypes. Why can’t we have romcoms where men and women are normal people free of what Hollywood thinks they should be? Probably never is my guess, with films like “The Ugly Truth” bringing in $90 million, triple their budget. Oh well.

 

4. “Transformers: Revenge of the Fallen”

Now I can really rant, because I saw this one, and for that I fully blame myself, my Transformers-obsessed childhood and Megan Fox. If you read my review of “Transformers 2,” I more or less called it a 2.5-hour seizure-inducing insult to the fans that loved the first movie despite its flaws. There were too many characters, stupid subplots, excessive action scenes and horrifically bad humor. I fully appreciate Michael Bay’s commitment to visual chaos and groundbreaking CGI fight scenes, but the complete rubber band ball of worthless plot ideas in this movie is unforgivable. But flame this movie all you want, Michael Bay will laugh all the way to the bank with his weighty portion of this film’s $825 million worldwide gross. We all fell completely for the promise of CGI nirvana, proving once again to Hollywood that “more is more.”

 

3. “The Proposal”

Most romantic comedies go for a three-month advertising push prior to a release. I was seeing trailers for “The Proposal” as early as Nov. or Dec. 2008, and I swear if I see Sandra Bullock and Ryan Reynolds run into each other half naked one more time, I will propose to smack some people. What is it with Sandra Bullock, seriously? Ryan Reynolds is a funny dude, but something about Bullock playing a Canadian makes me angry. Anyway, back to the half-year ad campaign. I can’t think of anything that drives me away from a movie more than seeing its trailer before ten different movies, yet people still went despite seeing those same clips over and over again. Are we that easily convinced by mere repition? $260 million worldwide for a romantic comedy starring a washed up actress – that’s just mind-blowing.

 

2. “G.I. Joe: Rise of Cobra”

I’ve got an idea. Let’s take a popular toy and make a big-budget action movie out of it. Truth is we deserved “G.I. Joe” for paying out our ears to see more “Transformers.” The trailers that gave us story details instead of showing us guys jumping around during explosions in “accelerator suits” didn’t look all that promising and didn’t suggest that the movie was about the rise of Cobra Commander. Another lesson to wannabe action blockbusters: if you want to start a legitimate franchise, don’t give your movie a subtitle that implies an origin story. That’s like if “Batman Begins” had been named “Batman: Master Your Fear.” You call yourself out on your own gimmick. But of course, after only two weeks, “Joe” is over the halfway point trying to earn its money back. But now that you know, maybe you’ll boycott it – and knowing is half the battle.

 

1. “G-Force”

Apparently, children cannot resist furry creatures, no less furry rodents with heavy artillery power. “G-Force” proved this summer everything that’s wrong with family entertainment and the children of this world. If tiny animals can blow stuff up, why can’t I? Why can’t a 7-year-old who sees this movie? But seriously, “G-Force” did go a little overboard. Clearly there was no need for these fur balls to have weapons. Then again, guinea pigs? I can understand penguins. Wrap one in tin foil and I’ll think it’s funny, but there looked to be nothing appealing about this movie. I also found it fascinating that after “The Hangover” was released, Zack Galifanakis started appearing in the trailers. It’s okay parents, this will be funny for everyone! Gag me. I’d rather run around in a wheel for an hour and a half than watch “G-Force,” but apparently tens of millions of people in this world disagree.

Summer Superlatives '09: 5 Biggest Flops

With the end of Summer 2009 fast approaching  (only two more August release dates), it's time to wrap up the most fun four months of movies each year, the films that entertain us when the weather is too rainy (or too hot) and end up stuffing stockings come the holiday season instead of vying for Academy Awards. Well, those films deserve some love -- or in this case a mark of degradation -- so I thought I'd take the next couple weeks, starting now, to recognize the highs and lows of an overall exciting summer at the movies.

I decided to start with the lows, or in this case, the summer's biggest flops: films that failed both critically and at the box office despite their hype that were released between May 1 and today. It's not a precise formula, but I think it works well. What I discovered? It was tough to be a comedy this year, unless the name of your movie was "The Hangover" or "The Proposal."

5. "My Sister's Keeper" (June 26)

It was a safe assumption that the movie adaptation of the novel by beloved sap-writer Jodi Picoult wouldn't have to compete with "Transformers 2" for the mature female or date crowd, but debuting at No. 5 with just $12 million considering all the gooey trailers and Cameron Diaz, "My Sister's Keeper" was a disappointment. Either that, or it was a terrible choice for a summer release (ding ding!). With date movies "The Proposal" in its second week and "The Hangover" still going strong, this movie flatlined despite decent marketing. Maybe not giving away the whole movie in the trailer to get people to cry their way to the box office to buy tickets would've helped. It was probably better off being a Hallmark movie on Lifetime. That said, I'm sure they made back most of the money with a $65 million worldwide gross.

4. "Terminator Salvation" (May 20)

Critics ripped "Charlie's Angels" direct McG for pumping the fourth Terminator installment full of gratuitous action and said that the story was pretty much all over the place, despite last-minute help from "Dark Knight" writer Jonathan Nolan. Action junkies got their fix with "Salvation," but most people I knew who went said they were mostly unimpressed. "Salvation" also fared the worst of all the early-summer big-budget blockbusters at the box office, opening below newly released competitor "Night at the Museum 2" with just over $50 million over a long Memorial Day weekend. Currently, the film sits at about $75 million under its estimated budget. For all the hype and looped video footage of Christian Bale screaming at crew members, this movie definitely flopped.

3. "I Love You, Beth Cooper" (July 10)

It didn't open in a lot of theaters or get intense promoting, but this typical and stupid (according to critics) teen comedy starring "Heroes" star Hayden Panettiere was the only new competition to R-rated "Bruno" the July 10 weekend and managed to end up at No. 7, a death sentence with "Harry Potter" coming out the following week. It's total gross was about $14 million, not even making back its estimated budget. Oh, and other countries spent a total of just over $100,000 on it. I certainly didn't expect great things from "Beth Cooper," but that might've been one of the worst no. of screen:first weekend take ratios of the summer.

2. "Aliens in the Attic" (July 31)

The way CGI movies were raking in dough this summer, albeit in part thanks to 3D, I figured why would this terrible-looking "Aliens in the Attic" at least compete with guinea-pig blockbuster "G-Force"? Well, because it looks like another dumb alien movie with kids and aliens doing stuff together. Debuting with $8 million, less than half of what "G-Force" made in its second week with no other new films minus "Funny People," "Aliens"  is just halfway toward meeting its estimated $45 million budget and it's already been three weekends. It'd be another thing if Fox knew they had crap, but they opened this thing on over 3,000 screens. Half those theaters trashed it after the second weekend and it now sits at No. 17, making less money last weekend than an 11-week old "Hangover," which taken literally, still sounds like a better time than sitting through that movie.

1. "Year One" (June 19)

Harold Ramis' return to the director's chair in this Mel Brooksian style comedy did not get much love in June, typically a month reserved for what looks to be the best of the summer's comedies. Another film I didn't bother seeing (since I don't get paid to see movies), but with a 5/10 rating on imdb and a 16% on Rotten Tomatoes, I think that's justified. With supposedly big stars in Jack Black in Michael Cera, this film was an embarrassment for a June 19 release date, debuting at No. 4 with less than $20 million behind both "Up" in its fourth week and "The Hangover" in its third. Unquestionably the poorest performance -- given advertising and release positioning -- of the summer, and in the hands of Judd Apatow no less.